anniversary #3
a passionate creation . . . it's about process
when i started this journal, my first interest was setting a personal structure to establish a more solid writing discipline. i set my goal to publish an essay at least once every month.
i have always been a writer, yet i had never set a discipline to write . . . at, a time of day, or in any structured way. i wrote notes while out walking. once and awhile i would collect my notes and write them in a journal. i mean it was pencil on paper writing. i wrote it to keep it. mostly my time and focus was on working jobs that enabled survival.
my first priority was mostly social action campaigning against nuclear weapons, and uranium mining. it paid peanuts. but it provided the funds necessary for survival. i raised my children in what many call the projects.
as the children grew up, and we acquired a computer, i began to collect the writing from my notes and journals and compiling text files and jpegs. through the 90's i worked at organizing and editing my work with the concept of creating a volume for print. i produced several versions of my painted poems collection until 2010. i would print and bind them myself.
in 2011 i began to engage the community of poets in toronto by attending open mics. Toronto has always had a vibrant poetry community, so in feb. 2011 when Michael Rothenberg shouted out on facebook that he was organizing a world wide project named, 100 thousand poets for change, i commented, "Toronto has 10 thousand poets". he jumped on that comment with the challenge - - - or offer, "will you be the toronto organizer for 100 TPC?"
i accepted the position, and Michael pressured Charlie Huskin, (of bookstore fame), to join me in planning the toronto 100 TPC event. Charlie and i quickly gathered an organizing committee of about 11 toronto poets. i am proud to say that we organized a day of poets for change that included ten poetry venues, beginning with a poetry breakfast at a strip club,
https://www.youtube.com/@100Thousand4Change/videos
and ending with two midnight galas at cine cycle and the Waterfalls tapas. the days events included 110 poets reading in clubs & city parks.
100 thousand poets for change is a worldwide event
founded by Michael Rothenberg and Terri Carrion.
100 thousand poets for change toronto has participated
in the global 100 thousand poets for change events held
by many toronto poets since 2011.part II
by 2016 my grand children were into hip hop and gangsta rap. the internet became a highway for me. youtube started up. the modern content creator was born. i took an interest in the toronto rap scene because my grandchildren were following it and some of the were laying down bars and some of the people from our neighbourhood got some youtube hits with gansta rap videos.
i do not support the idea of gangter groups, and have never been a gang member, but where i raised my kids, we knew the ganster methods, members, and rules. some of my grand children and their friends have got caught-up in gangs. i needed to follow the rappers because it is an art form and the community where i lived was engaging in rap battles and drug turf wars that often turned deadly.
[where i grew up, the viet nam war was the deadly action for my classmates. we lost a few graduates to war every year. the first death i know of from my graduating class was a drug overdose about 6 months after graduation. my youngest son lost at least ten friends to car accidents, train wrecks, or gun shots, from 2011 to 2020.]
so. . . keeping perspective, i listen to the bars i hate about gang shootings and horrible language about females and tried to get my head around the hip-hop gansta rap scene 'cause it comes from the place i live.
in 2018 a high profile rapper was gunned down on Queen West and with-in days a few shootings popped off in different hoods. one just around the corner from my house, a few kids chased some other kids down Augusta Ave. firing shots. one injury, no deaths that night. but it wasn't late, late, late. it was on my street. the shooters were kids and i had to respond.
i wrote my
'i don't need a gun rap'
my son-in law made a beat for me, and i played with it, making a live stream on youtube that is just an unfinished draft. i have always been nervous about the rap because i am calling out shooters and these kids be crazy. so i have never polished it off, never tried to finish the song , never read it on an open-mic.
it just sits there, an unfinished practice bit on my youtube and Instagram with some 40 views.
i don't need a gun i'm just shootin' my mouth i don't need. no i don't need. no i don't need a gun i'm chillin on vanauley i'm authentic too you know and i don't need a gun i got more than that on me i got he-man. i mean he i'm the man from vanauley. i don't need a cop i don't need a cop on my block i don't need. no i don't need. no i don't need a gun i'm just here to have some fun i like to dance and party too i'm authentic. you better know it i'm the man in kensington market. in the market we can rock it and a dube or beer will do my kids grew up on mean streets and all my grand kids too. so we got help all around, you know my kin live, work and play. so if you bringin' trouble you can come another day. tell me why. these young men keep shooting up my neighborhood? 'cause of the gun ! they be tough guys when they holdin' heat but that ain't me. i'm real i'm authentic i'm a he-man 'cuse i be man i mean man--ly imean he ---uuuuman e i don't need a gun. no i don't need it. you don't need a gun man. you don't need it we don't need it let it stop , just drop it give me a hug i'm a he--man the man a re all, real man . the gun is the tool of the govenment if you own it you just be it . you just be the patsy so they keep the whole world holdin' it's head, down on it's knee. you patsy ! you G- man you ain't no man . you are but a trigger for some other -----!
at present all i can share is about process
i am working with two of my grandchildren now who are training in audio recording and engineering .
i am working on recording these bars with them.
kensington market redux it used to be when i first moved there Baldwin street was busy at 6AM each week day with workers, unloading trucks. trucks from all over . . . but mostly from the Ontario Food Terminal the fruit markets -- meat, fish, poultry, and cheese. mostly one food product each. the meat store did sell poultry, but the poultry shops, fish, cheese and fruit stores sold just that. on Augusta avenue a few grocery stores sold dry goods, canned goods, and household items. it used to be when i first moved there Baldwin street was busy at 6am with punks and ne'er-do-wells sitting on the sidewalk in front of the cafés after, closing the booze cans complaining about the rents . . . "this market is being gentrified." they'd say. "It'll be just like Yorkville." they'd say. "we'll all end up in Parkdale." they'd say. most of the punks lived on Kensington Avenue in cramped basements or seconded floor flats. some of the houses are quite large there. some of the houses had 4 bed rooms and a kitchen on the seconded floor. at 7AM the café opened, and the sidewalk complaining moved indoors, for breakfast it used to be when i first moved there Baldwin street was busy at 6AM from 9 to 10 the workers invaded the café on break. a quick coffee and smoke then back to the stores trucks unloaded now the sidewalk displays were set up shoppers already in their way. the punks headed home. it used to be when i first moved there Augusta Avenue was busy at 10 trucks lined both sides unloading furniture, appliances, linens, and threads. there were a few grocery stores selling imported foods, for the nearby residents and workers who came from eastern Europe, Italy, Portugal, Africa, South America and Israel. an egg store sold just eggs. and "Nuts make the world go round" sold nuts, seeds, coffees and candies. the children lined up there on their way to school at 8 the "nut lady" who hailed from Romania, sold coffees, nuts, candies, and oils. I went there for the Cuban Coffee I liked to brew at home. it used to be when i first moved there the shoppers lined up at 11 chatting neighbourhood gossip, soccer scores, and their children's school projects. it used to be. . . used to be. . . used to be. . . the punks complaining did come true. the market rents did soar. just not so over night. three decades . . . a little more. the 90's were dominated by artist, and musicians. on afternoons they occupied the corners singing and painting in customers way the shoppers second flood all residents and school kids on their way home from the day's work they hurried and complained but the night . . . the night was wild. stores closed by 6, some 7. then. . . the cafés filled up quite early. with the artist and musicians the songs began to play. the beer flowed the kitchens roared the patrons shouted more. more beer! more burgers! more fries! another shot here! another shot here! the patrons shouted more. that was the 90's the punks still here the artists too busk and crowded the sidewalks. but shoppers . . . there are none. the stores now are night clubs. on Augusta the canopies came down and grand patios fill with spenders who come from out of town. the punks complaining did come true. the market rents did soar. just not so over night. three decades . . . a little more. but still I love the market. the noise and all the clubs. I like to watch the tourists. I like the crowds at night. I like the music melding from place to place along my walks. my dog's nightly walks. we stroll along the sidewalk we stop so she can pee at almost every tree at almost every tree
the bucket rap if you sellin' crack and fentanyl to the grandmothers on my block. you just an upper class bucket death and misery is your trade mourning to the children who lose their grandmothers on my block the grandmothers on my block. you just a high class bucket collectin' money on the street selling crack and fentanyl to the grandmothers on my street. the grandmothers on my street one day the blue gang will box you in or maybe some dumb rival you'l be dragged before a judge and court or may kick the bucket if some nonsense goes left or snakes come up behind you have to grind or not be fine when you kick the bucket you high class deadly bucket
also i am applying for grants to produce and show the ancestor paintings . I believe i will paint the 7 ancestors i know on masonite, about 14" X 17" but haven't decided.
so i am working on projects with out a time line or dead line.
while monitoring my blood levels for the GCA
thank you for being with me these three years.
check out my archive on occasion
share my journal with your friends .
Good reading..